Moody Monday...

And so it is Monday...again...I really do not care for Mondays. Even as a child, I disliked Mondays.


I am always a little blue because the weekend is over and everyone is back to the ole grind. I never do all I want on the weekends, there is never the time and there is, now, never the energy. Added to those feelings are the now typical tiredness and general feeling of "just not quite right" that my body has to go thru every single Monday of my life because I have gotten even the least bit off my normally very quiet, still life. I pay for whatever play I do. Thankfully the price varies, giving me the motivation to get out of bed and do things on Saturday and Sunday, even if all it is is moving to the LR or den and maybe fixing something yummy in the crockpot, even if I don't quite feel up to it. Sometimes, all the price is is just making sure I keep it lowkey on Monday. Other days I live in firey agony. Sometimes, like today, I hover somewhere in between the two.


But I do remember that I used to be a real girl with a real life and real activities. A girl who never even in her wildest dreams imagined having to pay for having said life. One who only had to take a quick power nap if she overdid. One who lived to make others lives happy, secure, fun, well fed, healthy.


I just wish I could know ahead of time which weekends I will have to pay the heavy tolls on and which weekends would let me slide easily into the new week ahead. Sometimes, I wish I had a crystal ball. Mostly though, I guess I am thankful I don't know what the future holds as it is so terribly easy to get overwhelmed thinking that for the rest of my life I will be a shadow of a girl living in the hazy gray areas of half-life, not really here but not in the beyond. It gets really lonely here in the shadows, it gets heavy here because the burden never really lightens and it just plain hurts--physically and emotionally--to live in this place.


I wish I was a real girl again.....creekside.