So it has been a while since I had much to say. Well, rather since I have felt like "saying" it as I do not type well. Someday I shall have a gadget into which I speak and it will magically type the words for me. Someday...
Our Thanksving Day was nice but oh what a comedy of errors the whole day was. I am not even sure I could relate just how much went awry. In the end...several hours after the scheduled time...we all sat down to eat and it mostly all tasted very good, but if you look closely at the pictures (that I shall never post *g*) you will see that while my hair was freshly, albeit just minutes before dinner, washed, it is not coiffed. I simply forgot to fix it! I also don't have any makeup on, I didn't forget it, I just simply didn't even think of it.
Shall I tell you about the bread machine not mixing and kneading the dough I had so painstakingly made for rolls? How about the blowing up of the microwave? Aforementioned rolls that were redone taking twice the amount of time to bake thus taking up all the oven space? The forgetting of making the PUNKIN PIE?
Oy...what a silly day. Truly, it had gotten so crazy that with each catastrophe all we could do was giggle and make do. Good plan and one I am not sure a couple years ago I could have implemented. But things change, we grow and we move on.
This past year and a half has been a time of growing for me, a refining in the fire, as the Bible verse talks about. I didn't chose it, I don't think I ever would chose it if given the choice. But there it was anyway whether I liked it or not (I didn't. I don't!) But it has changed me and much of that change is for the better, I know it is.
I am a calmer, quieter, more accepting girl than I was. I am better able to change tracts and tactics if need be. I have learned to lower my expectations of myself and others and not have lofty hard to acheive goals. I have learned to see the beauty in simple things. That mantle can be lovely with just a few lil punkins because I could not get out to gather mass amounts of colored leaves to add to it. It shall be lovely with just a single branch of evergreen or a few colored Christmas balls laid on it. A tree can be magical all by itself when the light of the fireplace plays over it's branches. And the pine scented teddy bear can adaquatly thrill the olfactory senses because a "real" Christmas tree is not in the cards. Gentle Holiday music playing is a joy and a quiet day with a nice pot of soup in the crockpot is a comfort. Having any one of the family here to share this with is bliss of the best sort, even if it is just CreekBoy...*gentle chuckles*
The hubby, the kidslings, grandkidlings, furred and skinned, can tract in debris, spread mud or rain everywhere, make a mess, use my "good" stuff and play with my "toys", eat all the good food, eat all the bad food...lol. And things can get broken or lost. I really am okay with all that. I am more patient, more tolerant, more understsnding, more accepting of so many things and situations. Because I am changing, being refined, coming to terms with what will matter most both today and when I am gone. People, it is the people in your life, that is the most important, the most precious.
I want to be remembered as that person who loved her family to distraction, that gave anything and everything and who always had time for a talk, a giggle, a hug, a snuggle, a story. I may not be able to play chase, hike up a mountain, cook a five course meal or travel across the counrty in a marathon dash. I accept that those days are forever gone. But I don't want to have the memory of me tainted by my illness, I am so much more than my illness!
Yes, I do understand that it has changed me, limited me, in many ways diminished me.....but it also has made me more than I was, made my heart bigger than it was. As my outside world has shrunk more and more, my inside world have gotten bigger and bigger. And since this past year and a half, it has gotten better and better. I am evolving in a good way. Thru all the pain, all the sickness, all the dark days and darker nights, it is good, I am good.
And how much better a way could one end this season of thankfulness than to say...It is good...?
Lisa, thankfully, creekside...
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